Enemies of the State

I know a couple (met her first, but he and I get along too) who are cool, outgoing people. As such, they always have a crowd over at their place—a crowd I’m unwillingly a part of. I forbear in order to enjoy their company, but I’m not sure how my friends ended up with so many gross, obnoxious losers as buddies.

Maybe it’s because they met most of their other friends through an organization that's basically a club for hippies who like to play dress-up and pretend they live in the era when not bathing was socially acceptable. Since they all come from the same place, I guess they’d all be similar shades of annoying.

Luckily, I don’t encounter too many of them that often. Some live out of town, some only show up occasionally. There’s the sturdy goth girl who has to state every opinion at top volume. She works with animals, so every other sentence is somehow related to dog and horse penises. There’s the chick who drones on at length about how bourgeois everything is; meanwhile she’s going for her post-grad in medieval bookbinding (medieval bookbinders were at the forefront of the proletarian revolution, don’t you know). There’s her boyfriend who left his pregnant wife for her and likes to rest his disgusting bare feet (what the hell is going on with his toes?) on every surface. There’s the nerd who doesn’t say much until he’s interested in the topic and then his belief is the only right one.

Unfortunately, there is one couple I find myself repeatedly interacting with, a pair who are everything I hate. They’re on welfare more than they’re off it (not because they need to be—they just don’t like working all that much). They live in squalor and decided it was a good idea to bring a child into it. They’re dirty, rude, pretentious, and smug. They clearly find themselves terribly droll and witty. He also thinks he’s a gentleman, and she a lady. I think they’re twits who add nothing to the world and should be wiped off the face of the planet.

So what do you do when your friends’ friends are morons?