Guess 'tis not the season to be jolly, after all...
25 December 2008
11 December 2008
Alas poor Yorick--he had to work with idiots...
'Tis the season for breaks from regular office routine, including such exciting alternatives as dreary parties, team-building events, and "professional development" days. Rather than getting into the inherent pointlessness of any of these, I'll let this example do the illustrating:
A motivational speaker at a recent out-of-office day-long seminar was going on about the importance of renewal. He claimed that sleep was the perfect way to renew oneself, and offered the following quote as proof, claiming Shakespeare, who was truly a genius, even then knew the importance of getting enough sleep:
To sleep, perchance to dream
Hamlet (III, i)
'Course, maybe he should have kept reading (although I have the feeling he still wouldn't get it):
To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come...
And the best part? Everyone there thought this motivational speaker was brilliant. They loved everything he had to say and have been going on about it ever since, they were just that inspired.
Anyone got a poison-tipped sword handy?
A motivational speaker at a recent out-of-office day-long seminar was going on about the importance of renewal. He claimed that sleep was the perfect way to renew oneself, and offered the following quote as proof, claiming Shakespeare, who was truly a genius, even then knew the importance of getting enough sleep:
To sleep, perchance to dream
Hamlet (III, i)
'Course, maybe he should have kept reading (although I have the feeling he still wouldn't get it):
To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come...
And the best part? Everyone there thought this motivational speaker was brilliant. They loved everything he had to say and have been going on about it ever since, they were just that inspired.
Anyone got a poison-tipped sword handy?
05 December 2008
Epiphania
I think I've stopped fighting my demons and have started just letting them have their way with me.
04 December 2008
Why people and their kids suck, Reason #5689
This is a tale not involving me, but involving my best friend as related by him...
So, last night as S was leaving work after a long day dealing with idiots (did I mention he's a fellow misanthrope?) he boarded the subway and settled into the niche around the unused doors. A couple of stops later, two women and a kid box him in, the kid standing right next to him in the niche. As the train stopped at the next station, the kid, being useless as kids tend to be, bumped into him. S looked down and noticed that part of the reason why the kid wasn't holding on to anything to keep from bumping into other people was because he was eating. A peanut butter sandwich.
Fine, S thought to himself. It's inevitable the kid's going to get peanut butter on me; I'll just clean it when I get off the train.
At the next stop, the kid bumps into him again. At this point, the kid's mother pipes up and says that S has got peanut butter on him and (amazingly) offers her own gloves to help clean it off. So far, so good.
Now S is an incredibly decent person (he must be if I like him as much as I do when I can't stand most other people). He doesn't make a big deal of things, even when he's annoyed. So he smiled in a friendly way and said no worries and that he had napkins he could use to clean off the peanut butter, but thanks for the offer of the gloves.
The train starts again and S immerses himself in the paper, only to hear the other woman pipe up a few seconds later: "She didn't have to tell you, you know!"
He decided to ignore this and continued reading the paper, although he could hear the two women talking in low tones until they got off the train. Maybe the mother was telling her friend to shut the hell up. Maybe both women were talking about what as asshole S was. Whatever.
But S's rightful reaction (and mine when he told me) was What the Fuck? So your friend's kid (who, by the way isn't being held on to by either of you--why? And is eating something sticky on a rush-hour subway train--why???) gets his crap on someone else's clean clothes and you cop an attitude about it?
Note to parents and those who are sympathetic to them: Your kid is not universally cute. Your kid is not entitled to behave any way it wants to in public, even if watching the kid and, oh, I don't know, actually doing some parenting makes more work for you. And if your kid inconveniences a stranger in any way, be glad the brat didn't get a swift kick, and have the decency not to give the inconvenienced person any fucking attitude!
A breeding license is looking better and better...
So, last night as S was leaving work after a long day dealing with idiots (did I mention he's a fellow misanthrope?) he boarded the subway and settled into the niche around the unused doors. A couple of stops later, two women and a kid box him in, the kid standing right next to him in the niche. As the train stopped at the next station, the kid, being useless as kids tend to be, bumped into him. S looked down and noticed that part of the reason why the kid wasn't holding on to anything to keep from bumping into other people was because he was eating. A peanut butter sandwich.
Fine, S thought to himself. It's inevitable the kid's going to get peanut butter on me; I'll just clean it when I get off the train.
At the next stop, the kid bumps into him again. At this point, the kid's mother pipes up and says that S has got peanut butter on him and (amazingly) offers her own gloves to help clean it off. So far, so good.
Now S is an incredibly decent person (he must be if I like him as much as I do when I can't stand most other people). He doesn't make a big deal of things, even when he's annoyed. So he smiled in a friendly way and said no worries and that he had napkins he could use to clean off the peanut butter, but thanks for the offer of the gloves.
The train starts again and S immerses himself in the paper, only to hear the other woman pipe up a few seconds later: "She didn't have to tell you, you know!"
He decided to ignore this and continued reading the paper, although he could hear the two women talking in low tones until they got off the train. Maybe the mother was telling her friend to shut the hell up. Maybe both women were talking about what as asshole S was. Whatever.
But S's rightful reaction (and mine when he told me) was What the Fuck? So your friend's kid (who, by the way isn't being held on to by either of you--why? And is eating something sticky on a rush-hour subway train--why???) gets his crap on someone else's clean clothes and you cop an attitude about it?
Note to parents and those who are sympathetic to them: Your kid is not universally cute. Your kid is not entitled to behave any way it wants to in public, even if watching the kid and, oh, I don't know, actually doing some parenting makes more work for you. And if your kid inconveniences a stranger in any way, be glad the brat didn't get a swift kick, and have the decency not to give the inconvenienced person any fucking attitude!
A breeding license is looking better and better...
02 December 2008
How soon is now?
It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew. --Henry Rollins
I think it's safe to say that I qualify as an adult. I've got my own place, bills, responsibilities. I'm well past the age when mommy and daddy (or anyone else, for that matter) get to have a say in what I do. But allow me to let you in on a little secret, boys and girls: there is no magic moment when you become a "grown-up." You know--that supposed point in time when a metaphorical light goes on over your head and you've suddenly got everything figured out: who you are, where you're going, what the point of everything is. You don't suddenly become mature, happy, stable, sensible. That teenage angst driving you crazy? It never really does go away. Hell, for most people, high school never really goes away.
In my experience, it seems everyone starts figuring this out (or at least acting on it) around the same age. And there are two initial responses to this newfound and unwanted knowledge: depression or panic.
Those who get depressed will carry on with their lives doing whatever they were doing before, making the same plans, moving forward. Only they're not quite themselves anymore. They've got a shadow hanging over them, weighing them down, reminding them that This Is It. Things don't suddenly start making sense, the way is not suddenly illuminated. Their obnoxious co-workers are not suddenly going to grow the fuck up, and their spoiled 30-something siblings are not going to see the error of their ways. They won't get the key to happiness and fulfillment handed to them along with their university/college degree and parking pass. The shadow reminds them that happiness comes at a price, and that price is the damn hard work of finding out who they are and creating, if they can, the life that's right for them.
The ones who panic are like victims succumbing to some kind of monkey virus. One day they are whoever they were; the next they're just a statistic. They're sure the answers are out there, and the only way to find them is to stay on the prescribed path, the one (they believe) everyone else is on. They latch on to a group, a belief, a theory, and cling to it with a death grip. Those are the friends who suddenly start talking like they got their hands on a script: it's all cliches and catchphrases, the topics all safe and common. They start acting the same scripted way. They buy a house when everyone else is doing it, they have kids after they've been to a couple of friends' baby showers. It doesn't matter what they do with their lives as long as they're doing it exactly the same way everyone else is. The only good thing about losing these friends (and you will, unless you let yourself get infected too) is that you won't be around to watch the inevitable mid-life crises.
I think it's safe to say that I qualify as an adult. I've got my own place, bills, responsibilities. I'm well past the age when mommy and daddy (or anyone else, for that matter) get to have a say in what I do. But allow me to let you in on a little secret, boys and girls: there is no magic moment when you become a "grown-up." You know--that supposed point in time when a metaphorical light goes on over your head and you've suddenly got everything figured out: who you are, where you're going, what the point of everything is. You don't suddenly become mature, happy, stable, sensible. That teenage angst driving you crazy? It never really does go away. Hell, for most people, high school never really goes away.
In my experience, it seems everyone starts figuring this out (or at least acting on it) around the same age. And there are two initial responses to this newfound and unwanted knowledge: depression or panic.
Those who get depressed will carry on with their lives doing whatever they were doing before, making the same plans, moving forward. Only they're not quite themselves anymore. They've got a shadow hanging over them, weighing them down, reminding them that This Is It. Things don't suddenly start making sense, the way is not suddenly illuminated. Their obnoxious co-workers are not suddenly going to grow the fuck up, and their spoiled 30-something siblings are not going to see the error of their ways. They won't get the key to happiness and fulfillment handed to them along with their university/college degree and parking pass. The shadow reminds them that happiness comes at a price, and that price is the damn hard work of finding out who they are and creating, if they can, the life that's right for them.
The ones who panic are like victims succumbing to some kind of monkey virus. One day they are whoever they were; the next they're just a statistic. They're sure the answers are out there, and the only way to find them is to stay on the prescribed path, the one (they believe) everyone else is on. They latch on to a group, a belief, a theory, and cling to it with a death grip. Those are the friends who suddenly start talking like they got their hands on a script: it's all cliches and catchphrases, the topics all safe and common. They start acting the same scripted way. They buy a house when everyone else is doing it, they have kids after they've been to a couple of friends' baby showers. It doesn't matter what they do with their lives as long as they're doing it exactly the same way everyone else is. The only good thing about losing these friends (and you will, unless you let yourself get infected too) is that you won't be around to watch the inevitable mid-life crises.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
.png)
